"Alright, just to start the recording, why don't you tell us your name?"
"Colonel Sanders."
"Excuse me?"
"Alright, alright, jeez. Marisa Louise Saunders."
"Thank you. And you are female yes?"
"Only on days that end in Y."
"And your age?"
"Old enough to know better, but still too young to care? No? Not a country fan? Wade Hayes for Christ's sake! Alright, fine, I'm 19. Happy?"
"Ecstatic. Now, where were you born, if you can give me a serious answer."
"Memphis, Tennessee in the U. S. of A. Serious enough for you?"
"It will have to do. Now, can you give a description of yourself, in physical terms please?"
"Why? You can see me just fine, right? Are you blind, not that that's a problem, just, seriously, look at me."
"The recorder doesn't have video Ms. Saunders, please just bear with me."
"Bah, whatever. Let's see....blackish green hair, about halfway down my back in length. Hazel eyes, not that you can usually see them through these Coke bottle monsters the optometrist calls glasses. Pale skin, so sue me for loving video games. That enough for you?"
"Yes, quite satisfactory. Now, do you shave your pubic hair Ms. Saunders?"
". . . . . . are you serious? Why the hell should I answer that?!"
"It is a standard question at this school, due to concerns about personal grooming standards. Please just answer the question."
"Weirdos. Sure, fine, I shave. Next ridiculous question."
"Thank you Ms. Saunders. Do you have any noticeable scars, birthmarks, or other distinguishing marks?"
"Mmmm, no scars. No birthmarks, except for this mole right here on my side. Other than that, my hair has this weird cowlick where two pieces stand up like antennae. See? Neat, eh?"
"Yes, very fascinating. Now, could you give us your measurements please?"
". . . . . . . you're putting this on YouTube aren't you? This is a hazing ritual for new students, right?"
"No Ms. Saunders, I'm afraid not. Please just answer the question."
" Geh, you could put it on YouTube, that'd be kind of neat actually. Well, anyway, I'm about 5'4", 105 lbs. If you're talking about my "sizes", then....ehh...screw it. 34C in the bust, 26 at the waist, 35 at the hips. That's all you're getting out of me."
"That will be enough, thank you. Now, give us a little bit of detail in your background."
"Not much to tell. I've had a pretty normal life, as far as things go. Two parents, still together, dad works in a foundry, mom is a high school teacher. Sister is still in middle school. I graduated about 1/4 from the top of my class, so I guess I'm pretty smart. I don't really care about math, english, and all that other boring crap. An artiste doesn't need that BS. As far as dating goes, I've had a few boyfriends, but never anything serious. I'm too...what'd that last guy call me? Blunt? Rude? Something like that. Can you believe that crap?"
"I'm struggling to restrain my disbelief."
" Hah! So you do have a sense of humor!"
"How would you describe yourself, personality wise?"
"Pure, unfiltered, awesome. Heh, just kidding. I dunno, I'm pretty easy going. My friends thought I was a bit of a comedian, but, hey, I don't take anything seriously, so, what do I know? I like things simple and easy, and I'd rather laugh than cry or get angry. That's me in a nutshell. And, yes, I was tempted just now to re-enact that scene from Austin Powers. You should be praising my willpower."
"Keep fighting the urge please. Now, have you ever engaged in sexual relations with a boy?"
"Just when I was thinking there was hope for you yet....no, I haven't. Fooled around a bit, but never past third base."
"Thank you for your candor. Do you have any piercings or tattoos?"
"Hole in each ear, nothing else. Hate needles, so, yeah."
"Do you speak any languages other than English?"
"A little French, a little Spanish. Badly, might I add. I'd probably end up calling someone a "ill tempered toaster" just trying to say Hi."
"Do you have any particular likes and dislikes?"
"Mmmm, I like drawing, and painting mostly. Cats, chocolate, trashy romance novels, especially those weird occult ones. You know, the ones where the main character is boinking a vampire or something. Dislikes, needles, snakes, octupi, the little Cthuloid bastards. Mmm, I have an irrational hatred of the color lavender. Makes me pissed off whenever I see it. No idea why."
"Did you participate in any club activities in high school, or outside of academics?"
"I was president of the Art Club. Well, there were only three members, so that wasn't a really big deal. Won an award for a painting I did. Got to shake hands with some sweaty old politician. Fun fun fun. Mmm, otherwise, I loved going to the movies, watching TV, playing video games. I was serious addict to MMO's for awhile. Got bored though."
"I see. Do you practice any form of occult esotera?"
"Do I what?"
"Do you practice magic?"
"Eh, no, never got into card games, sorry."
"Well, that's all of my questions. Do you have anything you'd like to add Ms. Saunders?"
"Yeah....this chair hurts my ass. Oh, and great coffee, seriously."
[[There you have my first attempt at a student. Hope she meets the standards of the school, and here's a picture of her getting undressed, just for....reference, yeah, that's the ticket. >.> <.< >.< Molest away!!!
