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The Progenitor http://shokushu.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=6738 |
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Author: | Madison [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 2:46 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Progenitor |
Um.... wow. I....I don't know what to say right now. Aside from "Lovecraft anyone?" Anyway, going over it more... it seems a bit.... much. Like using a steamroller to make cookies. |
Author: | Ishtar_Rocha [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 4:23 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Progenitor |
Um, wow. That is an amazing character. Welcome to Shokushu. Happy hunting. |
Author: | Allirabeth [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:46 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Progenitor |
Welcome, from both of us. ![]() |
Author: | PiaM. [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:22 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Progenitor |
Welcome ![]() That is quite a monster! I think the part about creating pocket copy of the real world to hunt down a girl can be quite cool, if played properly, and I kinda like the background story. It makes me want to play CoC again ![]() The only thing is that I kinda wonder why it hangs out at SHS, it seems it would be more likely to take on entire civilizations (but I might be miss-interpreting the power level involved). Anyway, welcome again, hope you have fun ![]() |
Author: | Stormbringer [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 7:04 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Progenitor |
It's a nice creative story but this isn't a universe-shattering space opera. Tone this down to a 'normal' monster please. |
Author: | TheProgenitor [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 11:01 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Progenitor |
Well thanks for the quick responses. Madison nailed it of course with the Lovecraft comparison and the steamroller. Well it was just a first draft, Haven't thought there would be so many responses in such little time already. I wanted to tone him down to a playable level either. Nevertheless thanks for the advice. Limits: What worth is all power if one couldn't use it? Now we talked about what it can do... so what can't it do? Well... basically everything. The Progenitor still does not yet know who or what freed it from it's prison (or even how it has been done). Aaaannd ...that's a problem. If it was the first of the progenitors to be released, it would have relished in it's new found freedom. It would have turned one or two galactic civilizations into it's slave races and their planets into its harems. It would have enjoyed all the carnal and mundane sensations of which it had been deprived for aeons uncountable, until they would become shallow and insipid. And then, in a few millennia... ,when the blandness of all mundane experiences becomes apparent... probably it would release the other progenitors. They also would relish in their new found freedom, and bring Horrors yet unknown about the universe. They would satisfy their needs with its inhabitants, and then War would come. War in their name, and to their pleasure. And in the end they all would bow before the entity which overcame all other, being no more or less slave than the lesser races. But a new set of cards had been shuffled, and the game had gotten an updates on the rules. There was no way to tell the winner in advance. So the Progenitor would have prepared for the return of the other progenitors. Carefully it would have created own advantages in advance, and layed out traps for the others of its kind. And then it would have opened their cells and went into hiding, to watch with mischievieous pleasure how they left their prisons, and entangled themselves in its carefully laid out plans. This is what it would have done. And This is what every single one of them would do. So if it was not the first... It had to keep a low profile. At least for the next few centuries, until it could be sure that it really was the first one. For it would certainly not be so stupid and trip into the traps that it... or they... laid out for it. But the result of this toughtchain was devastating...It had to behave like one of these usual... demons that this universe seemed to have no lack of. It was... humiliating.. A little scene shall clarify it's feelings about this situation (it doesn't know fast food restaurants yet, but it's just to show how it feels): Man: Hey Mister... It: Who are you calling Mister. I can wipe you out with a thought... and the rest of your planet too... I could turn you into my eternal slave by looking at you. I could take your worst nightmare and imprison you in it forever. So what is it that you puny earthling demand of me... Man: Coke, fries and Burger please. For Takeout. It: gnh...gnh...gnh As you wish. This you will pay for.... Man: How much? It: Your eternal soul, little earthling. Your eternal soul... and 3.45 please... gnhgnhgnh... That's it.. iv'e had it to the limit... now you will... Man: Heyheyhey... don't become overconfident here... or we tell you-know-who... It: (Teethgnashing) ...Have a nice day... That seems to be a lot of frustration building up here. But fortunately there is a school nearby and if it would not partake in the overall activities widely accepted as usual intercourse between monsters and girls, it would probably draw more attention.... Don't know if this would suffice. I wanted to transport some CoC Feeling with this monster (into the scenes too, don't know if this would be possible). Therefore some unspeakable , unnameable, over the top seemed ok... Didn't plan to destroy the universe... So... please comment. I am happy about any advice you can give. |
Author: | Madison [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 12:17 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Progenitor |
One question: Why is it here? It's not really that clear to me... |
Author: | TheProgenitor [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:53 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Progenitor |
Chaged the Motivation part: Motivation: Why Shokushu? Because it is a place where it can still its hunger for the carnal pleasures. An Hunger which had been induced into it by human worshippers. Because this Progenitor always had "A thing for the humans". They were the first race whose consciousness delved deep enough into the World of thought and dreams to find it, not sure if it was part of what they dreamt or if it was something calling out for them. And because they were the first, they shaped it the most. Naturally they began to worship it, because if it was more powerful then a human... what else could it be than a god? They called it Algul, Dahor... and other... more darker names. But a god cant just hang around all powerful and do nothing. He has to have some objectives right? He has to have some motivations, does he? Something that drives him...Something he wants... Naturally, in order to make sense of this question, The human minds (and to this end, the minds of all other aliens too, who worshipped a Progenitors self image at least once in their history) resorted to the aeon old question: "Well... if i was a powerful entity, aeons old, and... besides... a god... what would i want. What would i take interest in?. Well food, more power, security... oh... and...*cough*...sex of course". Could you imagine a god, old as time itself, strange and sickening to the human eye, who does not want to get it on with it's human worshipers? ... ... Nah... that would be ridiculous. Where should all the demigods stem from. And if it was a demon... well demons want to lay virgins all the time. And so the desires of the Progenitor changed, even if itself did not recognize this. One moment it did not even know the meaning of sex, and a few millenia of worship by dark and twisted sects and cults later, the desire to have intercourse with human women was as old as the being itself. (With the Humans, the progenitors never made it into the league of the big gods. The Self image they imprinted into the dream world was just not... appealing enough. Though they did a great job being demons, or gods of death, destruction, perversity and twisted fertiliy. But those guys want to have sex too, and they get plenty with all the virgin sacrifices) Now... why Shokushu. Well first, Shokushu is not the only place in the universe where The Progenitor is active. (Meaning: it could be used in the different forums like Slave Pens, Pirates or Alien Defense Directorate too). Being a Thing from a space which intersects with our universe and our dreamworld, it could of course appear almost everywhere.(just not anytime. The timearrows are aligned and parralel. No Time travel). But Shokushu is a place where the Progenitor can get all the human sex it wants, without raising it's head too high and risk being spotted by another Progenitor, something it wants to avoid at all cost. For the only thing it fears right now is another Progenitor. This leads to the result that it has to refrain from world shattering effects yet(and for the next millenium, just to be sure), which in itself causes quite some frustration. But at least it can live out "It's" needs, even more now, to quell the frustration. Compare a sexcrazy insane Politician with the goal to conquer the world in a few years, who is forced to keep a low profile to prevent the secret service from finding out about his plans, but who is living under false name in a red light district, where sex is cheap and even expected. Subtract consent of the prostitutes... or payment. Thanks for the question. Hope this clarifies it somewhat. Don't know if this is toned down enough or not... Don't want to start a scene and quit it, because i have to change the monster again. |
Author: | TheProgenitor [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 10:32 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Progenitor |
Added other limitations: 2. No Mindreading. Even though it can traverse through the space of thoughts and dreams, the things one thinks remain unknown to it. Has to do something with self image. So it will never know what a girl thinks, if the girl does not think it towards him somehow (projects the thoughts consciously) Not even in the dreamworld. 3. No Mindcontrol. Same as above. The residual self image of the consciousness of a living being can not be overwritten. Therefore no Mindcontrol. Choices will remain with the girls. (The "choice having" not so much i guess...). Oh and it would be boring. 4. No timetravel. Causality is a nice extra in a story. Imagine porn in a structure like Primer. It would probably result in scenes like: "Why are you watching this stuff? Oh it challenges me intelectually?" |
Author: | Stormbringer [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 9:41 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Progenitor |
yes, for it to work there needs to be some challenge, some sense of having overcome the victim. Otherwise it takes away any sense of drama and becomes an endless series of 'look into my eyes, OK, now we fuck'. |
Author: | TheProgenitor [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 6:08 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Progenitor |
I am working at a revamp in some aspects now which will limit its powers in the "real world". Though it would not change the overall being, and in some sense, make it even more Cthuhuesque. Thanks to all for your advice. I am trying to upload a newer version this evening. |
Author: | TheProgenitor [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 10:47 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Progenitor |
Changed it somewhat. |
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