Human beings sure are remarkable.

Quietly dabbing at her lips with a soft, lace handkerchief, Olivia Nightingale had just finished her evening tea. Holding herself with a calm, elegant, ladylike demeanour, she places the delicate china cup back in its saucer and situates it down gently on the fine, antique table cloth. She'd had a nice, relaxing day, and was finishing it off, looking over the mansion's rolling, immaculate garden from the comfortably furnished, dazzling conservatory.

"Ahh, yes... What a fine, lovely day this has been. Such calm, mild weather, and now a beautiful sunset to finish things off."

Carefully tilting the controls of the wheelchair, she turns, returning to her chambers. She had something special planned for tonight and so, behind closed doors, she gets to work. In the following hour or so we hear the sounds of hard work, hammers and nails, drills and saws, even the harsh hiss of an industrial welder and blowtorch. Then, quite suddenly...

"WHO'S A COCKSLEEVING BITCH NOW, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!??"

Bursting forth from her room, the door smashed into pieces she comes barreling through in her newly militarised wheelchair. Now equipped with an arsenal of weapons, from tear gas and net launchers to miniguns and RPG, Olivia seems to paid the glass no head as she drives straight through the windows of the conservatory, guns blazing as she lays waste to the garden. There were only one or two monsters there, hiding away in the bushes, so the real massacre doesn't begin until she reaches the Monster's Lair, where she brings out the real big guns. There's a mad, insane, blood lustful look in her eyes, fuelled by a thirst for revenge, and an almost gleeful look as she cuts down beast after beast, quite literally at various points as the chainswords are swung.

"EAT DEPLETED URANIUM SHELLS, YOU TENTACLED SHIT BAGS!!"

*sees the chainswords, the shells, and Olivia's bloodlust*

By the Emprah...

THIS IS HERESY!

And here I thought I was the 40k nut.

Included 'Chainswords' in her arsenal because she'd heard they were a thing. Watches the entire thread being hijacked, all other aspects of her previous post going completely unmentioned due to her use of just one word.

"Da Fuq? ... Wait. No..."

Looking around, there is a mounting wide eyed terror as she watches helplessly, seeing the once glorious Monster's Lair transform around her.

"Please..."

Random rock formations change into Moe Anime Figurines, shelves of Magic the Gathering booster packs emerge.

"Please, make it stop."

Dice. Swords hung up on the walls. Even the monster's start to change. Fedoras. Neck Beards.

"NOOOO!!"

Tearing off her mask, cutting off her ability to see, the poor blind girl starts scratching at her already blind and scarred eyes.

"Get them out. Erase them. Erase them. Burn these images out of my head!"

But it was too late, she could not unsee what she'd seen...

I'm impressed by the apparent ease with which everybody is posting pics. You all must have one heck of a simple image hosting solution.

By the way, everybody on the internet is a neckbeard.

EVERYBODY.

If that isn't one of the rules of the internet, it needs to be added to the list.

Well, to be honest, I've been waiting for a long while to use that image.

Im not a big warhammer person, never played anything to do with, however I know a little bit that seemed funny enough from my discord channel.

"As I ride to war, the scent of death washes over me like the wind itself. All my senses come to life, and each kill becomes more exhilarating than the last!"

So... the latest idea that I've had rattling around in my head is a Game of Thrones and A Series of Unfortunate Events mashup, or just Game of Thrones as narrated by Lemony Snicket...

"It is my sad and mournful duty to inform you that the fate of the Winterfell Orphans, as their tale continued, would only become all the more terrible and mortifying, a word that in this context means to fill the reader with a sense of horror and mortal dread. It is, as such, my responsibility to tell you to look away now, and spare yourself the wretchedness of this following saga."

I don't know why, it's just something my brain spewed out this morning...

...who knows. Crazy ideas often become wonderfully appreciated art...

Even though I am not a huge fan of either, that could actually be pretty funny

The retail version of Simpsons Steamed Hams

Me: Good Lord, what is happening here?!

Customer: My £100+ of monthly shopping...

Me: Your monthly shopping? At this time of night, at this close to shutting, with your slow ass pace, localised entirely in this store?!

Customer: Yes...

Me: Can you fuck off?

Customer: No.

Oliva. You are my new favorite person for random comedy.

Yay! I'm a new random person... I mean favourite comedy.... random comedy new favourite? Meh, that'll do. Bames Nond having a Stronk! Call a Bondulance!

On another note:

Me: I should try to write shorter, simpler sentences like, "Olivia sat and ate breakfast."

Also me: Olivia, adorned with her finest garments and adornments, entered the main dining room with her morning sustenance, a bowl of crushed and processed wheat grain, sculpted into a series of smaller bite sized rings, floating in a solution of female bovine lactate, the whole thing was to be eaten with a smaller bowl on the end of a stick, otherwise known as a spoon, whilst, all the while, the soft, caramel skinned heiress contemplated her daily routine.

https://img.ifcdn.com/images/686c3d501f ... 1d6b_1.jpg

"These violent delights have violent ends." Said Violet Baudelaire before shooting Count Olaf in the head. As a guest, he should have been safe from anything the hosts could do and, furthermore, the hosts should have been unable to remember any of their previous encounters. However, events had been set in motion and now something terribly wrong was happening in the park.