She had been formulating her response to the first part of Vera's statement when she was caught off guard by the second part of it. She blinked in surprise and shook her head. "I-I honestly haven't about that. I assumed magic wasn't something magic wasn't something just anyone could do. I couldn't do it before coming here. I was altered..." She faltered and blushed now. She looked down at her lap again, thoroughly ashamed of what she was about to confess. "I did sacrifice to get these powers. I knew magic was real once coming here and encountering creature who could use it. One saw that I wanted it and offered me a deal. He would alter me so that I could use magic if I... let him fuck me." It was the first of many bargains she would make and she hated herself for making it. He would have raped her either way but being made complicit in it was somehow worse. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried not to cry. "It hadn't occurred to me that he might be lying. That maybe I could have done magic all along if I just found the right spell book..."

"I never said anyone could, Ms. Apton," Vera replied, "Again, you are not listening to me and forcing me to repeat myself." She ignored the matter about being raped. Vera already made it clear that there were ways to get help. If Nell refused to seek that help, the school will happily throw her down into the basement until she gets her act together.

"I was simply stating a scenario for you to reflect on. Instead, you ignored it much like you always do whenever I am speaking. You probably already threw out what I told you prior to speaking about magic. Diligent student... So far that has been a lie and I despise liars, Ms. Apton. It is becoming very clear that you are still not ready for any of this."

"Think hard of what you are tapping into, Ms. Apton. Think of what you could possibly be capable of. Now think of someone who could teach that. Now think why such a teacher would ever give such power to someone who refuses to listen and obey." Magic was not a toy. This was not like teaching someone how to do math or even martial arts. This was giving a person the potential to change the rules of reality and possibly make them into a living weapon. Magic not only required discipline to learn but it required much more discipline for anyone to risk giving such knowledge to an outsider.

"You are apparently distraught, Ms. Apton. I think it is best we conclude this for now. My suggestion is you think very hard about what you want here. My other suggestion is that you try to be a better patient for those who are trying to help you. If you cannot be diligent with a member of staff, why should I ever believe you will be diligent with another teacher?" Vera stared Nell in the eye. Would Nell lash back again? Vera was Nell's only resource but the student had yet to keep her end of the bargain to Vera. The school is surprisingly effective in helping students who are willing to just follow directions, even those who are targets for guests. But, it is up to Nell to actually accept their help. In the end, it would make her life her so much better than it is right now.

For now, Vera is tired of giving out treats to a hopeless animal who refuses to learn. If Nell wished to learn from the Head Girl, she will need to start making sacrifices. Compared to the sacrifices that Nell had already made with a guest, this was a small price to pay.

She met Vera's eyes again and frowned. She just didn't understand this woman. She had tried to be honest but Vera was still calling her a liar and accusing her of not listening. "I am listening, Ms. Matsumoto. I'm apparently just not picking up on what you want me to pick up on. I would think in a potential teacher of magic would see a person gifted with powers they didn't understand and couldn't harness properly and choose to instruct them in the basics at least so that they didn't accidentally hurt themselves or others with powers they couldn't control. Of course, if the student proved untrustworthy then teaching them more dangerous spells would be unwise." She let out an exasperated breath. "I'm not trying to be contrary or willfully misunderstanding you, Ms. Matsumoto. I truly just don't know what you want from me. You seem to be just looking for my faults and not giving me a chance to prove myself. I gave you the honesty you asked for. If you require more then I beg you to be more clear. What do you want me to do? Do you want me go back to the school counselor and take the medicine she proscribed? If you tell me to then I will, even if I risk crippling myself if and when it proves my demons are real. Because that's the risk, Ms. Matsumoto. If this is all in my head then the medicine will cure me and I'll have no need for your assistance because my monster's aren't real and neither is the magic they gave me. If it's not in my head though then I'll be taking medicine that weakens me and makes me an even more vulnerable the next time I'm attacked."

"No, Ms. Apton," Vera replied, "If you prove to be a dangerous to yourself and others, the school will take action. Something I already mentioned before. If you are incapable of learning and claim that your abilities are a problem, the logical action would be to remove said powers. Especially if said powers are leading you to believe in your delusions. I have been very clear in my instructions. I even gave you my suggestions. I have no use for a person who cannot think for themselves. I am not going to direct your every thought and action. What you do right here, right now is going to be your decision. You can ignore my words and continue to live in fear of your own shadow or you can take a chance and trust someone. If after this matter is dealt with you wish to learn more about your abilities, the school will have no reason to stop you lest you damage school property. But if your only reason to seek magic is to fight something that is in your head then, perhaps you were not as committed to magic as you thought you were. You have made no effort to figure out what I want despite me telling you. I already stated that I only seek to maintain order and ensure students excel in their preferred field of study. You being honest with me simply makes my job easier but do not ever think that being honest is some sort of kindness towards me. Doing the bare minimum does not warrant reward so if anything, my guidance so far has been out of kindness. Kindness that is growing very thin the more you refuse to listen and waste everyone's time. Pick a path and commit to it. If your path requires the school to take action, they will do so. You are the one being unclear to me, Ms. Apton."

Nell felt like she kept running into the same wall over and over again. Vera believed that she was mentally ill and that her only reason for wanting to learn magic was to fend off imaginary monsters. Was it the only reason though? She tried to see things from Vera's point of view. A student came in claiming to be bullied by alien creatures that couldn't possibly exist and asked to be taught potentially dangerous magic to defend herself. Of course you wouldn't teach someone like that. She couldn't convince Vera that she wasn't crazy without her actually witness one of these attacks so she couldn't prove that she wouldn't use her new powers in a way that might hurt herself or others.

If she capitulated, however, let the school treat her for mental instabilities she didn't believe she had... She remembered the haze she had lived in for the month or so that she was institutionalized. She hadn't been happier then or more alive. She would have been better off dead. If a monster found her in that weakened state... If Luju found her in that state. She shuddered at the thought. It would cost her her freedom.

Sure, there was the slim chance that this was all in her head. "I have never hurt myself or my fellow students with my magic, Ms. Matsumoto. If you are afraid to teach me magic for that reason then don't teach me offensive spells. Just give me spells that would help me hide or something." She said softly but realized how futile it was and hung her head in defeat. "I don't believe it will help but I'll go back to my counselor and try the medicine she wants me to take. You don't know me any more than I know you... It is reasonable that you would not teach me if you truly believe that I am unstable so I'll prove to you that I'm not the only way you will accept."

The thought was terrifying but she forced herself to stand and bowed to the Head Girl. She was certain that she was doing herself great harm with committing to this course of action but she would do it. Either the medicine would work and she'd stop see monsters everywhere or the next attack would come and she would be easy prey. It might not be so bad... So long as her attacker wasn't Luju or Therion. Aegir wouldn't be cruel to her if he found her in that state. She might meet a new monster but if she was more docile then it would likely still be mild. Monsters generally didn't hurt you if you gave in to them right away. If the attacks continued even after taking the medicine then she could abandon the treatment. She didn't know the other side effects it might have and that was probably for the best. "If this will be sufficient then I'll take my leave now. Once you feel I have proven myself obedient enough then please let me know." She waited to be dismissed. Already mentally preparing herself for the hell to come.

If Nell felt like she was running into the same wall, how did Vera feel? It was truly annoying having students come speaking of monster attacks then refusing any and all treatment. Vera knew how Shokushu worked. The treatment works. If it did not, the school would not use it. Shokushu has kept its secrets a very long time and knew how to deal with students who fail to forget their attacks.

Again, Nell did not understand magic. Teaching any magic was dangerous. Casting spells was merely manipulating mana to do one's bidding. Teach them the basics of that and they could do anything with it, including offensive spells. The more one learns, the easier the other subjects become.

But Vera could not just say things like that. Knowledge is power when it comes to magic. Even giving a brief tip on mana sight was extremely dangerous if Nell finds out how she could use it to help with channeling. Nell had no idea how many risks the Head Girl was making in potentially teaching another student. But, Vera could not help but be curious to see how this pans out.

"You will know when you are ready," Vera stated. She was not going to hunt the student down. If Nell did not need magic after the treatment then there was no point in going after the woman. If Nell wanted to learn despite having no hostile reason to, that was a good sign of the student's desire to explore the door that monster opened for her.

She was dismissed and that was that. The meeting was brief but very direct. Vera's words were like a bullet shooting straight through the small talk and problems surrounding an issue. The Head Girl focused on results and how to get those results.

If Nell kept her word, the appointments with the counselor would continue as normal. The woman would be very happy to hear that Nell was willing to try the medication. She went over the side effects. Most of it was things like drowsiness and other minor effects. It was hard to believe. Would this really make the monsters go away? Was this really all in Nell's head?

A pill and some water were offered during the appointment. Much like the soothing music, this just added to the effect. The counselor spoke softly, her words becoming the only thing Nell would hear over the music. She directed Nell to relax and breathe slowly, guiding the student into a semi trance state. From there, the woman would remind Nell that the monsters were not real and this was all part of her subconscious. Such advice always sounded stupid before but now it was hard to think beyond the words due to the drugs and the music.

Then, the session ended. If anything, Nell felt well rested and relaxed. The counselor would prescribe the student's medication and advised her to take it before going to bed every night.

The medication was a bit different to what Nell took during the sessions. The pill reacted to extreme levels of stress and mental trauma. Nell was right now remembering all the horrible encounters, each one wearing her down more and more. The medication would force the mind to completely block out those stressful memories. It would take time for the brain to sort it all out but little by little, the student would begin to forget the details about the attacks. She remembered thinking she had been attacked but could not recall any of the details.

In the case of new encounters with guests, Nell would be unsure if they were still happening or not. She may react normally to them when they happen. But upon waking up the next day, Nell would not be able to recall whether something happened or not. This may be scary for Nell to experience as it would put into question everything she believed so far. Had she been doing this to herself all this time? Her evidence she had in her head was gradually getting harder and harder to bring up when it came to discussing the existence of monsters. But no matter the reaction, the counselor made no accusations and simply talked through the confusion with each and every visit.