Pia mulled over Cala's words. She hated seeing Cala apologetic. And she hated that her girlfriend was in difficulties and she was not there to help her. And she hated having this dicussion. In her mind, one should be allowed to build a relationship before having big, difficult discussions.

She did, with some surprise, note that she did not care overmuch if Vera was paying a price or not. If Vera was really doing pennance for something she did to Pia, then whomever made the decicions in these matters should have let Pia have a say. The powers that be did not care a twat about Pia, or anyone. For all she knew, Vera was being punished for not shipping herself and Cala of to detention rightaway. Still, knowing that a head girl was not beyond chastisement could be useful to know.

"It is not your fault. It.. it is just as much my fault. And Vera's. And this whole place's fault. I think that sometimes, sometimes one ends up in places with no right way out. At least you tried to protect me, and.. I love you for that. I would have loved you for that alone.. if there was not so many other reasons.", Pia smiled a little. Even in this situation, it felt good knowing what she felt for Cala, and that Cala felt the same.

"But.. I just want you to know that.. I have been in difficulties here before.. I-I know I am not brave or strong like you, but I want to help and support you. I want you to know that I want to help and protect you as well. So, please, if there is anyway I can help you, or you need something, anything, try to talk to me. I would be.. I would be grateful".

"And you bet I will be at your room when I this is over. Nothing can stop me from that!", Pia grinned.

I could see how my love struggled with my punishment, how she was brave and strong. There was only one of us that had sat frozen on that step in the water while the other was hurt. It had not been Pia, no, she was the rock, the strong one.

“So….I..I want to give you my schedule and well…I want to see you as much as possible if that is ok. Shit…not much time left.”

Quickly I scribbled down my class schedule ripping the sheet of paper from my notebook and handing it to this wonderful woman.

“You know, it’s the thought of you that gets me through the day right now. As bad as things may be around here there is good and I am glad I found some of it.” Fingers lightly travel along her jaw and chin, lifting her face so I might see into her eyes. My lips tingle, I soooo want to kiss her, to hold her, to make our time together last forever.

Pia nodded, expression serious as she received the schedule. She folded it neatly and put it in her bag. "I'll be there.", she said. "Thank you."

Now she had something concrete to hold on to. As long as she could meet Cala between classes.. It was a meager substitute for all she wanted to do together with her. Pia wanted to spend time with Cala, get to know her. She wanted to go strolling in the sun, to talk about nothing in particular, to spend nights together. She even wanted to continue the swimming lessons, if Cala was interested.

But for now, a few minuter here and there would have to do. It was better than nothing. And it would let her know that all was all right.
And if she does not appear for a class, I am going to go and demand a few answers, Vera Matsumoto!

There was more she wanted to say.. but Cala's hands upon her face cut her short. Drowning in Cala's gaze was all she cared for.
That this woman loves me, that makes it worth all the worry.

"I.. I.. Wish I could kiss you and hang on to you forever and forever..", she whispered. Pia wanted nothing more than to shed her shy demeanor, but they were in a public place, and the last thing they needed were another demerit for public indecency.
Instead she gave Cala a quick kiss, a mere brush of her lips.
"I guess we need to get going.. I'll follow you.. if that is okay.."

It would have to be enough. The hunger in my belly grew as her lips barely touched mine. But it was probably a better thing to be circumspect. Though how could a kiss be wrong when It felt so right. I wanted more, and was frustrated. Frustrated because I walked around half the day naked and got nothing for it, not even a good stare and now I was close to the one I loved, my heart was pounding and I was thinking about that one night we had spent together. That glorious wonderful night were I had awoken in her arms.

So much of it seemed like a dream. I longed to feel her next to me again, to talk and eat ice cream together. To try and put into perspective what Vera did make me feel. Pia was love and pleasure and joy and light…such white light. Vera was lust and desire and pleasure and shadows or darkness. And me…I was in the middle in a bad way.

I was not going to have Pia follow me though. Screw the rules if there even were some. Gathering her fingers in mine I got up.

“Pia…I’m gonna walk at your side and be proud of it, we have such little time together.” Trays to trash…hand in hand, it needed to stay like this every moment we could get. In the end it was still not going to be enough and if nothing else that would be frustrating.

“Till tomorrow…and in between I will try and email. “

"I will be here tomorrow. And I will be faithfully checking my inbox."
Probably every five minutes.

Pia smiled as Cala stood up with Pia's hand in hers. She was glad that Cala wanted her by her side. It made her feel proud and accepted and loved. All things Pia craved. But it also reminded her that it would not last. And that Pia had not been at Cala's side when she needed it most, that she probably would not be for the next few weeks.
It made Pia feel small, unworthy of the love she was given.
Shouldn't love be being at the side of the one I love? Shouldering her burdens, comforting her when needed. Standing up for her?


Pia knew that this was not all her fault. She had been quite efficiently pushed out on the sidelines. By Vera, or by the Administration, depending on how you saw it. Perhaps even by Cala, to some extent.
I wish she had told me what was going on! I could have interfered somehow!

Still, she felt that this was her fault as well. She actually wished both of them had been punished. At least then she would have been with Cala and maybe been able to back her up. She had to do something, she knew.

"Cala, I..", Pia paused, trying to gather her words."Do you want me to speak with Vera? Or whomever in the administration that deals with this? I.. I really don't know if I can do anything.. But maybe I can reason with her. At least make you relieved of duty till you heal. It is not an unreasonable request! To know that you are in pain, sleeping on the floor, naked.. it is killing me! It is not right! You are the proud one, the beautiful one."

We walked. I never wanted it to end but knew all too soon it would. Choices, life was full of them and each lead to a possibly different path. How I wished that somehow my path could have allowed me to walk hand in hand with her for just a while longer. That I did not have to go to Vera’s rooms at the top of the tower tonight. Seeing Pia now made it all the more difficult to go and serve my sentence.

She spoke as we walked and I watched the conflicting emotions roll across her face like a storm. Choices; I had hurt her even as I had tried to save her. Maybe each of us had to pay the piper on our own, maybe you could not take away the hurt without hurting someone that loves you. Was fate a circle?

“Pia, I love you…maybe it was selfish of me to try to keep…well…things, stuff from happening to you and me. Maybe what I wanted was wrong, but it is done. I…I don’t think that any good will come from either of us meddling at this point. Oh by all that is sacred I wished it was not so. Look what happens when I meddled, do you want the same for you? Vera is not hurting me in any way. She made certain I saw the medical folks and does not let anything happen that could hurt me. It seems so surreal, so strange for her to be that way after everything. Maybe she is doing what she does because of that selfish pride of mine. Enough if her, Pia, Next time we talk about you and me…you are my rock, my anchor in the storm. I really do need you. Please stay strong for me, without you I could not do this…”

I waved with my free arm, then let t slide around her in a hug. A small wince, but the pain was worth feeling her close, clinging to her. The bell rang. The kiss short even though I longed for it to go on. How was it there was never enough time in the day? There had always been a distinction in me between sex and love. Pia had broken that distinction in one wonderful night when the two had become one. I had both, and I never wanted to lose that ever again.

“I love you Pia” my voice a whisper as the short wonderful kiss broke. Our bodies, one against the other, comforting, solid, sincere. I would miss this tonight. Miss it something terrible, but I did have the memory and would try and draw what comfort I could from it.

Damnable bell. The cursed ringing reminded Pia that time was running, and now it was running out. The kiss was sweet, however. Sweet but short. Pia savored it nonetheless, savored the fullness of Cala's lips, her passion. Savoring love and yes, even the regret.

"OK." Pia said, nodding, when the kiss broke. "You are right. No messing things up. I will wait patiently for this to end. I guess the wait will make it all sweeter."
She smiled a bit at that. When this was over..
It will be a memorable day. I'll make sure of that!

"You are wrong, very wrong about one thing, though. You are not selfish! And pride is not wrong. I love your pride, the way you walk.. You got into this to protect me. You are the hero here, really. I was just so worried.."

Time. Time to attend lectures. Time to say goodbye. Nope. Not goodbye. Pia did not like the sound of that. "Tomorrow." An idea struck her. "I might have something for you."

And because time was running short, and because there was no use prolonging it, Pia took a few steps away, slowly letting go of Cala's hand.
She hesitated a little, and blew Cala a kiss. She gave Cala a few seconds, in case she had anything to say, before running off to class.

‘Hero’. Funny how that word never seemed to mean anything to the one that wore the label. I was not a hero; well I sure as hell did not feel like one. Instead I felt dirty and selfish. All on my own I had left us with no choice but to part our days and go our separate ways.

Time might make these moments easier, but I did not want it too. I wanted to hate walking away like I did now, I wanted to feel the pain and hurt of having her hand slip from mine just so I knew I lived. I wanted the kiss to linger on my lips just a little longer and be something unfamiliar each and every time. Time would take some of that away, and I wished it wouldn’t as I watched the bouncing blond pigtail disappear around the corner.

The tear surprised me. ‘fuck I’m a mess” I thought while whipping the wetness from under my eye before turning and heading to class. At that moment I did not feel strong and full of pride. Maybe parting should never be anything but sweet sorrow.


Pia,

I am fine, tired missing you, but fine. I get the sofa tonight, Vera appears genuinely concerned about my ribs.

I really was happy to see you and hate having to watch you go. Just to let you know I will go to sleep tonight thinking about the feel of your lips on mine. I want to remember each night your last touch, whatever it might be. I think I will make that our game.

Love Cala.

Cala,

I am happy to hear you are not sleeping on the floor, at least. I am sorry I am not there to care for you.

I wish we were together. After sleeping next to you, my own bed suddenly feels too large and my room too quiet. But that is okay, because when I wake up, it will be one day less until I can curl up next to you again.

I will be thinking of you when I fall asleep, and I will give you a kiss each day, so you have something good to remember.

Love and kisses,
Pia.

Pia clicked send. Writing letters had never been her strong side. The tiny letters on the screen seemed too impersonal for what she felt. Still, it was better than nothing.

Sleep was going to be an elusive creature this night, she knew. But at least Pia would have the comfort of her own bed and privacy.
Poor Cala..

One week down. I was feeling more than a little proud of myself with the cooking, though there was no way I would know if I was really any good or not if Vera was lying. The emails I got from Pia always buoyed my spirits. Every morning there would be a new one. It helped me to awaken and start the day with at least a smile on my face.

How could I tell Pia of the sexual tension I felt every day I padded about the rooms of my “owner” a tension made even more so when I thought of my love in her bed down below. I was becoming more than a little confused by the mix of emotion I felt for Vera and what I thought I should feel. It did not make it any better that I enjoyed her kisses, her touches as much as I enjoyed Pia’s. How the fuck was I ever going to tell pia that?

Best to talk about other matters.

Pia,

My love, I find myself confused and conflicted as the week ends. Vera, my mistress wants me to design a uniform for me to wear for her. Any ideas?

My training continues. Mistress Vera is, extremely talented in getting what she wants. I understand much more about who she is now that I have undergone training tonight. She had to go to her penance, and so I await her return. She is very kind and not at all a bad person.

I miss you and love you. I think Mistress Vera will have me busy all weekend but if I get a chance to see you I will. I really miss you Pia. You are the rock that my untidy life finds refuge within.

Sorry…gotta go, I just heard the ding of the lift door…she is back.

Love Cala

So, it is Mistress Vera now.

Pia sat cross legged in bed, her computer in her lap, reading the e-mail once again. She had been trying to ease an yogurt into her, but she gave up. Her appetite had really plummeted these last few days. Her sleep patterns were beginning to suffer as well.

So far, she had been trying to keep an appearance of optimism in front of Cala, even though she knew some of her worry shined through. Pia had taken greater care with her clothes and appearance than usual, trying to look as pretty for her girlfriend as possible. Every day she had checked her in box for another mail, sometimes even hammering the refresh button if it did not arrive at the expected time.

This one was hard to answer. Pia had the feeling that something was happening just out of her reach, and that Cala was slipping away from her. She more and more often found herself staring at each e-mail as if some sentence, some explanation would reveal itself.

Once again she tried typing an e-mail. She should say something supportive, she knew, but her last few attempts had ended up being deleted, bland meaningless messages that failed to convey anything at all.
-
Cala,

I am sorry. I cannot think of any ideas for an uniform. I might sound silly, but to me you are far from anyones servant, regardless of your current position. I just can't imagine anything that would make you look like one either.

I am truly glad that she is treating you better, and not hurting you in any way. But, honestly, I have to disagree with your description of her. So sorry, but she is not a kind person. I realize you know her a lot better than I do, and that she might have her good sides, but her behavior has demonstrated just how great her capacity for cruelty is. I have not forgiven her, and I do not trust her.

I do miss you too. More and more each day. I understand that you probably won't be able to see me during the weekend, since we have no classes, but you must send me an e-mail if you are able. I will probably have spammed your in box beyond recognition by this time tomorrow.

I am really looking forward to seeing you on Monday.

I love you and I miss you,
Pia
-

It will have to do, she tought to herself.

After sending it, Pia turned of her laptop and reached for the pile of books by the bed, mainly demonology. A new batch from the library. It was her plan for getting through her weekend. Ever since she first became aware of the dark side of the island, Pia had been trying to figure it out the only way she knew, by research. Now it also served a second purpose, to keep her mind occupied, and to make her feel less useless. That is, until her mind drifted off again, to the head girl appartment on top of the building..

It was difficult seeing my mistress arrive back from her penance looking like she had been to hell and back. It was unlike her to rush off to a shower and bed and leave me with no real task but my own sleep. Something was wrong….very wrong. But then asking for Pia’s advice was not going to help me either.

Rock and a hard space it would seem. That was me.

I was in love with two very different people. I wanted them both, selfish, but true. What was a girl to do? On one hand my mistress made demands of me, kept me disciplined and focused. On the other Pia allowed me to explore, to just enjoy life. I was the taffy in between being pulled in various ways and having no idea anymore of just what direction I was really going….but between them I was a better person. Fuck me….

One magical night with Pia. I wanted more of them, a lot more of them. I also wanted a lot more of my mistress, the heights she had brought me in punishment….shit, what could it be like in pleasure? Now the prom…would My mistress let me attend? I wanted to ask pia but would first need to get permission.



Pia,

I miss you so. What we have is special and very different than what I feel for my mistress. There is a wonderful giving love between us that I long to pursue no matter where it may go. I do so love you. You are the one person in the world I can talk to, that seems to know me and I don’t even know me anymore. If I ever did 

I will keep the emails coming and I look forward to receiving yours; I get yours while I study. Mistress says I am to keep up my studies so my grades do not fall. I go to bed tired, alone, wondering how you are doing and look forward to the surprise. That has me thinking…LOL



Love Cala


there was never enough time to write more.......

"So what DO you feel for her then? About 'Mistress'", Pia asked aloud for the hundreth time that weekend. She had no way of knowing. But she could guess. Guesing was a painful, hazardous thing, but it was unavoidable.

Whatever it was, it would be nautural, she supposed. Vera was beautiful. IN fact, she had everything Pia had, just better. It was like Pia had managed to neatly avoid all traits assiocated with the ideal of a "Nordic" beauty, and Vera had gone and snapped up the platina blonde, glacier eyed and long legged bits.

And what had Cala said? Vera and Cala had shared the best sex ever, wasn't it?

"So what do Vera feel for YOU then?", that was the question. And that was one that Pia had no way of answering. Cala said she loved Pia, and she trusted that. But how long could she excpect that love to stretch?

Pia was loosing a battle she was not even part of. And there was nothing she could do about it. Time to lay the groundwork for the next then.

Pia snatched a catalogue from her desk. Time to hit the mall.

--
Cala,

I can't say how much your e-mails mean to me. Without them, this weekend would have been dreadful. Some times I feel like all this was some beautiful fata morgana, and that I blinked and it all passed. Your letters reminds me I have something to look forward to.

I want you to feel free to tell me anything. Even if it something that scares you, or that you are afraid will hurt. I cannot share your burdens (I wish I could!), but at least I can listen.

I am impressed that you are still able to focus on your studies. Given all you have to deal with, that is pretty amazing. Thumbs up!

Hugs and kisses,
Pia.

P.S: The surprise is not a HUGE one. You might not even want it, but I want to give it to you anyway.
--

The smile grew as I read her response. It promised to be a long weekend, so much to do and so little time to get it done. It was nice to know she was getting along all right in spite our forced separation. There were times I almost wanted her to be here with me and for both of us to serve my mistress, but that would have meant sharing and I was even now somewhat selfish. If Vera had asked I was not all together certain how I might respond.

As the darkness of the night gathered round me I worked out my uniform, worked on homework and my studies for next week’s finals. Then there was the prom….I wanted to go with her.




Love,

I look forward to your own emails with my heart thudding in my chest till it hurts from missing you. You are so beautiful, never doubt it. So much so that I would ask if you would be my date for the prom, forget the boys , I can think of no one I would rather be seen with. We will need to come up with some sexy little outfits for the two of us, something to make all those boys drool and be envious that you are with me!

Are you going to go home over winter break? I will be here, that is the condition of my promise to the administration and my mistress for my misdeeds. It is ok, I really would not have wanted to go home to my dad anyway…unless I brought you, but that would have gotten us thrown out of the house once he finally caught on. So it is not a biggie.

You will have me on pins and needles till Monday. Unless…unless I can swing by as I get me outfit started for my mistress. Till then it’s the apron.

Found a new music group, Krypteria, seems to be the way of my life so far. Have I made a bargain with the devil as there album Bloodangel’s cry seems to talk about. Chow,

XXXOOO

Cala.

Pia was lying on the floor, surrounded by textbooks, checking her e-mail, like she had done every 4-5 minutes for the last hour. Finally, one unread e-mail appeared.

"Love,

I look forward to your own emails with my heart thudding in my chest till it hurts from missing you. You are so beautiful, never doubt it."

That was sweet of her, Pia thought. Even sweeter because Cala had no doubt much on her mind now. Pia was grateful she could spare the time to think of her. She continued reading.

"So much so that I would ask if.."

".. would ask if you would be my date for the prom!", Pia read aloud. It was enough to make Pia jump to her feet, and make a little half spin.
"I don't believe it! She just asked me out!"

Dropping down, Pia read the rest of the mail, devouring it with her eyes like a hungry wolf. She immediately set to composing an answer, fingers hammering the keyboard.

--

Cala, my beautiful love,

Yes! Yes! Yes! I want to be your date, and I love you for asking! I'm already on my toes in excitement! It won't be you the boys will be jealous of. It will be me, I know it.
I am going to be pretty, but only because of you. The way I see it, you are like the sun: Warm, bright and glorious. I hope to be like the moon, beautiful as I reflect you. Sorry if I don't make any sense, I am just so exited.

Hugs and kisses,
Pia.

The e-mail did not answer the rest of the message, but she could send another. Pia had dimly registered that some kind off ball was going to take place, but that was about it. She was usually not comfortable with large gatherings. Always the awkward one, she was usually much too good at blending into the background. But with Cala..

To Pia, it was more than just about a costume party. It was a re-affirmation that these weeks would end, and that Pia would be able to get to know Cala as something other than someone she pined for, and that hopefully, hopefully, she would be able to provide Cala with some joy as well. Laying back on the floor, Pia sighed contentedly. She wants me to go with her! Me! With her! In public!

She started replying to the rest of the topic. Pia would have loved to see Cala's home with her, just as she would have loved to take Cala home to Norway, but there was no room on the plane. Funny thing that, there haven't been any seats each time I have asked..
But she would not have just left Cala anyway. Krypteria? Added to her spotify play-list this minute!

Pia had just transformed from angsty to optimistic. The deary weekend had brightened considerably. And Monday, or even before, Pia would have a chance to meet Cala in the flesh. She had her tiny gift ready on her table. Soon. Soon!

Pia returned to her books, whistling a little while as she flipped through the pages.