This wasn't the package I was paid to deliver!

And now Baby Jesus cries for the loss. Heil Satan!

Why must I do this again sis, maybe you should put the bottle down!

God dammit Nappa!

"Oh yeah, baby... That's so awes- Ooooh! Family Guy's on now! Let's finish this up later, hon!"

Oh, Baby... I'm worth every cent you are paying me for. My baby formula is proof of that.

Don't worry, baby. Condoms don't really expire. They just put those dates on them so people keep buying more.

You know... my ex is far better at this than you

Wednesday, why does your underwear say Wednesday its Sunday...

"This is Sparta!" *kick*

"The, uh, idea of a blowjob, it's... You see, fucking all those friends of yours has, uh, well, it's left a nasty cramp in my leg, so sucking will be hard for me."

"Yes of course I love you. Yes, me too. OK, night night honey..... Sorry about that, I'll remember to switch my cellphone off next time. Now, where were we up to?"

The doctor gave me a cream for the rash...the burning when you pee only lasts a couple of days though.

Oh, in case I fall asleep after this and forget to tell you, you need to be out of here by 6am. That's when my wife gets home from work.

Him: Um... that's never happened before.
Her: Which part? The eight seconds of sex or the 45 minutes of crying?
Him: Uh, I guess both.

Do I give you money now?

(Yes. I stole that from a show. =P)